I've struggled with patience all my life. Yes, I am the girl who snoops for her Christmas and birthday gifts, sniffs out surprises well in advance, and will even occasionally read the last page of the book before I've finished Chapter 1. What can I say - I am one curious cat who loves to be in the know and needs things n-o-w.
Lately, I feel as though God is trying to discipline me in this area of life. Whether it be promotions (or lack thereof) at work, being the "best" wife, or traffic in the DC area (yes, I think God is in control of traffic). I feel tested daily as to how I react to situations where I am not in control.
This one - waiting for a baby - is a real doozy for me.
I mean, you're given a due date and told 40 weeks from now you will be holding your precious child. And along the way, I tried to do everything I was told to do to make sure he was safe and developing. In December, we were hit with the scary news about chloroid plexus cysts in his brain; but, even though we were given the option of testing, we chose to pray and be faithful that God would heal him. We decided to have a natural birth partly because we again wanted to be faithful in our Lord's process for childbearing.
But this whole being late and not having any progression for labor has left me questioning and doubting and angry. I've waited so long for this gift, and prayed for him everyday. Why is God trying to teach me patience now? This discipline really hurts - it breaks my heart. I want to hold this baby in my arms...now.
Nothing is going to change though, so I guess this just leaves me with prayer. Prayer that I will trust God and know that His ways are always best. Prayer that I will finally learn patience because this is a hard lesson. Prayer that everyone will trust us when we say we will let them know when he arrives, because it hurts each time I have to tell you he hasn't.
