Spots and Spit-Up

A few days before Holden's birth, my tummy started breaking out in a nice red rash. I wasn't too concerned because 1) it wasn't spreading and 2) I was focused on getting this child out of me. Right after Holden was born, though, the rash started to spread and the itch was ridiculous. I noticed the spot on my tummy was getting worse and I was starting to get more bumps on my fingers, arms, legs and my face. The rash on my face was so bad, I didn't even want to take any pictures with Holden. I felt like Two-Face from Batman with all the red and puffiness.

Because I answered that I had baby blues to my OB's nurse practitioner (um, who doesn't have ANY baby blues after delivery?!?), I was asked to come in and talk to them. After they assessed that I was in fact normal, I had them look at the rash. Much to my delight, the doctor said she had never seen anything like it before and had no idea what the cause was. Fantastic. She prescribed some steroids and told me it could take up to 12 days to cure. Most importantly she said that the steroids would not affect my breastmilk for Holden.

I may call shenanigans though.

Breastfeeding the first week of Holden's life was not too terrible. He has a good latch (when he latches) and he would eat like a champion. This week has been a little different though. I guess there are two variables that I changed.

The first is the steroids. My suspicions are high on the steroids affecting my milk because this week, especially these past few days, Holden has been spitting up - a LOT. And not only is he spitting up a lot, he spits up after almost every single feeding. After he appears done, I will prop him on my shoulder and tap his back to hear that most satisfying burp. Instead, I hear a waterfall of spit-up come out on the side of his face, onto the burp towel and usually down my shirt and arm. I'm beginning to take it personally.

The second is...we broke and started using a soothie - especially at night. All the books and experts say not to use a pacifier for at least one month if you are breastfeeding. Those books and experts must not have experienced a screaming newborn. Nevertheless, Holden gets a soothie late at night and now I am second guessing whether or not I have caused the dreaded "nipple confusion" and affecting how he eats.

So, if you have any suggestions - I am open to them - as long as your solution includes curing the rash and cheating with a soothie. In all seriousness, though - is this at all normal?

These cluster spots are all over my body.

More rash accompanied by bruising from my non-stop itching.

A Birth Story

On Friday April 30 at 3:30 AM, I received the most precious gift - Nathaniel's and my baby boy. Here is a recount of his birth story - the good and the bad.

On Tuesday April 27, Nathan and I went in for a sonogram because baby was 41 weeks. Everything seemed fine except that my amnio fluids were measuring low. We went to see the OB afterwards and even though baby's heart beat was stable, they were concerned with the low levels of fluid. Even though Nathan and I thought we would have until 42 weeks to start any interventions, the doctors were quite concerned and wanted to induce the next day.

In our birth plan, we specifically requested as natural of a birth as possible. Instead of starting directly with Pitocin, we were given the choice of using Cervadil, which is a prostaglandin. This type of prostaglandin required us to check into the hospital on Wednesday evening, stay in my cervix for 12 hours, and if it didn't work...start Pitocin. To try and swing things further in our favor, my membranes were stripped that day.

We spent the night praying that labor would spontaneously start. My mom came over to spend time with me, and Nathan continued to work diligently on redecorating our place. We went to bed that night, and woke up the next morning with everything still in tact.

Without labor starting, we checked into Fair Oaks Hospital that evening at 7:30 and at around 9:30 I received the Cervadil. Nathan and I turned on some Lost and prayed that this time, labor would start.

Morning came and I was just as far along as I was on Tuesday. By this point, our doula Tracy arrived. We spoke with the doctor on call and asked if my water could be broken to see if that, coupled with the Cervadil, would jumpstart anything. An hour later, and still nothing.

Tracy suggested one last natural attempt and we got an electric pump and tried to see if that would stimulate anything. Nothing.

Our little boy was determined to stay put.

Unfortunately, while he was not ready, the doctors had decided that for everyone’s best health, he needed to be ready. It was with great hesitation that Nathan and I agreed to start Pitocin. We would start very slow, and if the contractions became consistent, the nurses agreed to take me off of the Pitocin and see if I would continue laboring on my own.

Pitocin is powerful. I instantly started to feel contractions, and they were not a fun feeling at all. I tried to use our Bradley training and moaned and breathed through them. After a few hours, the doctor checked me and I was at 6 cm. Finally, some progress! My body had started contractions, so they held up their end of the deal and stopped the Pitocin. Well, when they stopped the Pitocin, my body stopped the contractions. Not exactly what we were hoping for in this deal. I went about an hour having continuous cramps, but nothing registered as a contraction. The doctor and nurses checked me again and I was still at 6 cm. We were then told that I was going to have to be put back on Pitocin.

I cried and even though Nathan tried his best to calm me, I gave up on myself. I asked for the epidural. I don’t think I have ever been so disappointed in myself in my life, but I knew I couldn’t bear the pain that was to come. They weren’t proposing the level of Pitocin I was exposed to before, but twice the amount to get me ready for delivery in less than a couple of hours.

The “medicine guy” came into the room within the next few minutes. He was very nice and I remember he wore a New York Giants hat. I really wanted to ask him about it, but I was in a lot of pain. He administered the epidural and it kicked in instantly. Luckily, it must have been a small dose because I retained feeling in my legs completely (I even stood on the bed at one point).

The nurses pumped me up on Pitocin once again, all the way to a level 10 (I was at 6 the last time). The epidural was in, the Pitocin was on, and I was told to rest because pushing would be coming soon.

After about an hour and a half, I was at 10 cm, fully effaced and baby was at station 0. Ideally, he would have been at -3, but now I had to face not only pushing him out, but pushing him down AND out.

The doctor and nurse instructed me on how to push, and each one of them held a leg while I spent 30 seconds per contraction pushing our baby. I did this for three hours with Nathan, Tracy and the delivery team cheering me on.

After about two and a half hours, I tore and baby’s head was coming out much easier. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. All of a sudden, I felt his head come out of me. I pushed again and I felt his shoulders and the rest of his body shoot out of me and all I could do was cry tears of pure joy.

The stress of the pushing caused baby to #2 while on his way out, so the nurses took him over to the warmer and assessed him. Nathan took watch as the newly proud and protective father. I was still in tears, and pushed out the placenta, which was a feeling of being done.

Baby received a 7 on his first APGAR and then a 9, so he was ready to be handed off to me. Nathan took him first and placed the most beautiful and precious gift on my chest. He went from crying to calm and peaceful, as if to say, “Mama, I’m here - I’m finally here.”

I was able to get him to latch pretty quickly and breastfeed right away. After a few hours, we were all moved to our recovery room. The only thing left for us was to pick a name.

Nine months in the making, Nathan and I decided to name our son,

Holden Read Sandell

Born April 30^th at 3:30 AM

Weighing 9 lbs and 5 oz

Measuring 22 inches long

Im-Patiently Waiting

If you notice from the little baby ticker at the top of the blog - our little bun in the oven is overdue. And, I am not a happy camper.

I've struggled with patience all my life. Yes, I am the girl who snoops for her Christmas and birthday gifts, sniffs out surprises well in advance, and will even occasionally read the last page of the book before I've finished Chapter 1. What can I say - I am one curious cat who loves to be in the know and needs things n-o-w.

Lately, I feel as though God is trying to discipline me in this area of life. Whether it be promotions (or lack thereof) at work, being the "best" wife, or traffic in the DC area (yes, I think God is in control of traffic). I feel tested daily as to how I react to situations where I am not in control.

This one - waiting for a baby - is a real doozy for me.

I mean, you're given a due date and told 40 weeks from now you will be holding your precious child. And along the way, I tried to do everything I was told to do to make sure he was safe and developing. In December, we were hit with the scary news about chloroid plexus cysts in his brain; but, even though we were given the option of testing, we chose to pray and be faithful that God would heal him. We decided to have a natural birth partly because we again wanted to be faithful in our Lord's process for childbearing.

But this whole being late and not having any progression for labor has left me questioning and doubting and angry. I've waited so long for this gift, and prayed for him everyday. Why is God trying to teach me patience now? This discipline really hurts - it breaks my heart. I want to hold this baby in my arms...now.

Nothing is going to change though, so I guess this just leaves me with prayer. Prayer that I will trust God and know that His ways are always best. Prayer that I will finally learn patience because this is a hard lesson. Prayer that everyone will trust us when we say we will let them know when he arrives, because it hurts each time I have to tell you he hasn't.

Lucky Number Seven

The beautiful roses Nathan bought me to celebrate our seven years together.

Valentine's day was this past Sunday. Nathan and I decided to keep this day fairly low-key. After all, I am huge and moving around is just not as easy as it used to be. We started our Sunday going to Union and then headed home to spend some quality time together. Later that evening we went out to dinner at one of our local restaurant favorites - Aladdin's. We then bought some frozen yogurt from Giant, headed home and watched the Olympics.

My meal of rice, beans and vegetables.

Nathan's meal of Spinach and Feta Pita Wrap

What was special about our day, though, was that we have been together for seven years. We had our first kiss on Valentine's day exactly seven years ago. Most relationships hit a seven year itch, where you tend to re-evaluate your relationship, and the outcome is usually not so good.

We are lucky though. Our philosophy is seven years down, a lifetime to go.

Thank you for being my soulmate and my best friend. I love you beyond words.

Nathan & Me (31 weeks), February 14, 2010

If Only I Liked Vampires

On Friday, February 12th I went to visit the hematologist, as recommended by our delivery doctors. A little bit of history:

In high school, I started getting sick a lot as a sophomore. I came down with bronchitis one winter and then next fall had mono and strep at the same time. My senior year, I was getting strep almost every other month and the doctors finally agreed to take my tonsils out. Easy, right? Not so much.

At Bethesda Naval, they kept testing my blood and knew something was wrong, but did not pinpoint it for about 5 months. Every month I would go in and they would draw vials upon vials of blood. My mom and I started to joke that they were secretly trying to clone me with all the blood they drew. Well, finally they diagnosed me with von Willebrand's disease, which is basically a deficiency in clotting factor 8 in my blood. I was still able to undergo surgery, I just had to take a pill (yes, a pill after getting my tonsils removed!) every few hours for 24 hours.

Fast forward to today. Our delivery doctors were concerned about the vW's diagnosis and wanted me to see the hematologist to make sure my levels were normal enough to deliver without any medications. They took 8 vials of blood to test. Other Meredith must have been depleted.

I haven't heard any results yet, but the doctor said that the extra estrogen from pregnancy actually helps normalize blood clotting levels and that based on my history, I most likely have a very mild form of vW.

Praise God for all of this because we still want to birth naturally without any interventions or medications! Hopefully we will continue to stay on track!

My arm, 8 vials of blood later!

Is this Normal?

We *hopefully* have 11 more weeks to go before this little guy changes our lives forever, and while I definitely have moments of renowned joy, I am also starting to worry. Worry and I have been friends for quite some time. As a little girl, I was worried no one would like me; as a high-schooler I was constantly worried about my GPA; and as I have grown into adulthood, I worry about being a good wife to my husband, having a successful career (whatever that may now look like) and being a Godly woman. Yes, worry and I are indeed close. And once again, we have formed another connection - being a mother.

It isn't like I don't have any clue for impending mommyhood - although, there is a stack of books I need to read that are starting to get dusty. I have dreamed about becoming a mother for a LONG time. I was your girly-girl who would carry around her cabbage patch dolls and love on them and cradle them in my arms. I grew up babysitting for others' children and really enjoyed all the fun that brought to my life, and I have been told by many that I was, "just going to be a great mom" (no pressure!). But now as the time draws near for me to actually BE a mother, I am starting to doubt myself.

Can I handle the constant feedings, the diaper changes, the loneliness of being a stay at home mom? Will I show him God's love everyday and help raise him with strong faith? Will I help make the right decisions as far as his diet, his vaccination schedule, education, even disposable versus cloth diapers?!? Will I know how to hold him just right when he is crying and soothe him so his fears quickly fade away?

Is it normal to have these fears, worries and doubts? I know prayer is definitely needed in this time - but, am I totally alone here?

Baby's First Shower

Last weekend, Aunt Laudine and Gretchen came to town from Texas to watch Corey while Anne was in Vegas for work and Chad was working the night shift. Lucky for me, mom and I went up to College Park and they generously threw me and baby boy our first shower.

We went out to a fantastic lunch and then came back to open presents and eat cake! Baby boy received all of his room's first decorations - sheet, bumper, quilt, window treatment and more in the Eli the Elephant pattern from PBK.

Sweet Corey is helping me unwrap the presents

My mom gave us this beautiful frame to capture his baby hand-print and footprint. Gretchen had a great idea to write a poem or memento note on the paper. I better start thinking now as it takes me forever to write anything!

This is the adorable cake mom's colleague made for the shower. It had rubber duckies and clouds all over it with baby blue frosting. The inside was delicious too - white cake with raspberry filling.

Later that week, we received another surprise from Chad and Anne - a space saver highchair and sheet saver. Items we will be using tons over the next few years!

Thank you to Aunt Laudine, Gretchen, Chad, Corey, Anne and Mom for such a wonderful shower! We are so blessed to have you in our lives and we will think of you everyday!

It's a ....!

Nathan and I had decided early on that we were going to find out the gender of our baby. Our 20 week sonogram was scheduled for December 4th and we thought that we would use an idea from our mentor couple. They had told us about asking the sonogram technician to write down the gender on a card and then open it for Christmas.

We took a purple elephant card and handed it over to the tech and waited patiently for 21 days. The morning of Christmas, we woke up in bed and being the girl that I am, I begged to open it right away! Nathan opened the envelope and I opened the card in front of his eyes only. His expression gave it right away.

Nathan was convinced that we were having a girl, and he slowly and surely convinced me too. We had given in to the old wives tales and we both thought that we would welcome a baby girl in April.

Well in fact, his expression of shock at the card told me that we are in fact having a BOY!

We waited until 4PM EST/3PM CST to tell the rest of our family the great news. Here is a video of us sharing the joy of our future son, their future grandson, great-grandson and nephew.

Visiting the Chi

Nathan and I were fortunate to spend the Christmas holiday with his family in Itasca (right outside of Chicago). We left Tuesday afternoon with our luggage in the trunk and Lyla and Kenzie in the back. They did not last too long, though. After a lot of crying, we let them out to roam as we drove through VA, MD, PA, OH, IN, and IL.

We arrived around 1:30 AM central time, but the rest of the trip has been filled with great conversation, catching up, wonderful meals (thanks Don!), movies, and best of all - relaxation.

For Christmas dinner, our friends Carson and Nickie, who recently moved to Elmhurst from Portland, joined us. It was a treat to see them, and Nickie made a fantastic torte to complement Hilary's delicious apple pie.

(Carson, Nickie, Meredith, Nathan)

Thank you Sandell family for always making us feel so welcome and relaxed. We love you tremendously.

(Nathan, Meredith - 5 months pregnant, Hilary, Rosa, Connie, Don)

Faithful Prayer

Nathan and I went in for a scheduled ultrasound for the baby on December 4th. We were really excited and thought this was just a chance to see our baby. Everything, for the most part, went well. Our little one did want to show his or her face during the photo shoot - I guess this baby is a little camera shy.




Everything seemed fine, until the very end of the appointment when the doctor came in and told us that our baby has two choroid plexus cysts on the brain. We had no idea what this meant except we heard "genetic disorder."

On Monday, we went for the four-month check-up at our doctor's office. Dr. G also brought up the cysts and told us the following:

1. There are two choloid plexus cysts that are in the center of the brain.
2. The cysts are not big (i.e., the techs did not even measure them) - this is a good sign.
3. There were no other markers for a genetic disorder.
4. The cysts are considered a minor structural abnormality for a gentic disorder (not a major).
5. 1% of babies have the cysts and almost 100% of those cysts go away.
6. Without the cysts, the baby would have a 1 in 400 chance of having a genetic disorder - - BECAUSE of the cysts, the baby now has a 1 in 100 chance of having a genetic disorder( ie., 0.25% to now 1%, or 4x more likely).
7. Just because the cysts go away, the chance of a genetic disorder is still 1 in 100 - it is because the cysts were even present that the risk is increased.

They gave us a couple of next steps that we need to consider and pray about. The first would be to have an amnio test that would show for sure the chromosomal make-up of the baby. The risk with this is that there is a national average of miscarriage of 1 in 200.

Another option we have is to have another ultrasound at week 26 or 27 and see if the cysts are indeed gone. This would show us further progression, but again, our baby could still have a genetic disorder.

Our final option is to do nothing and wait until the baby is born. Both Nathan and I are leaning towards this option because it is the only option that solely relies on prayer and faith in God's will.

So, we ask that you please join us in praying for our baby's health and that no matter what, Nathan and I are faithful in following God's will. Thank you for your love and support!